Jokes

[Guest]

Lets have a joke thread!
Post jokes here! (lets try 1 per day at least)

[Guest]

1st one (If you don't find it funny dont blame me blame the guy who made it (just could remember any other one)):

A brother is fucking his sister and she sais to him: "You fuck way better than daddy..." and he sais: "Yeah I know, mom already told me..."

[Guest]

"BRING OUT THE HOOK!"

[Guest]

2nd.: 2 baloons were flying thru the desert and one said to the other:" Watch out for that cactusssssssssss..."

[Guest]

A man walks in to a bar with a rabbit on his head

The bar man says "What the hell is that on you?"

The rabbit replies "I don't know, but it started out as a boil on my ass"

[Guest]

Two gay men attack a woman. One held her down, the other did her hair.

[Guest]

A man died and went to Hell, he was greeted by a little devil

"Ho, sir! you have been damned for eternity and will live forever in one of 3 cells, but I am feeling generous today and shall give you the choice!"

So they went and looked at the first cell, everyone was chained by the feet to the wall standing on their heads on a stone floor"

"Hmmm, lets look at the second cell" said the man

In the second cell like the first everyone was chained by the feet to the wall, but they were standing on their heads on a carpeted floor"

"Well thats a little better, but lets see the third cell"

In the third cell the man saw everyone sitting down in two foot of mud sipping coffie and eating biscuts

"Ah!" said the man "this is the cell for me!"

"Very well" said the little devil and locked him in the cell.

"Now can I have a coffee and some biscuts please?"

The devil replied "Oh I'm sorry .... BREAKS OVER EVERYONE BACK ON THEIR HEADS!"

[Guest]

An Eanglishman a German and a Slovenian wanted tose if they can catch their watches if they throw them from a skyscraper. Firstly the Englishman threw and he ran down the stairs as fast as he could, but when he came to the street the watch was already in peaces (lots of peaces).Next was the German he threw his watch and used the elevator to go down but when he came on the street his watch was crashed too. Then it was Slovenians turn he threw the watch and went to the bar one flor down and had a drink then he went slowly down the stairs, talked to some stranger in the middle and when he came down he streched out his hand and cought the watch.The other two were amazed, "How'd you do that?" they asked and the Slovenian replied: "Easy my watch is an hour slow!"

[Guest]

A Norwegian a Dane and Bellman made a bet on who could be the longest time in a pigpen. First the Norwegian went in the pigpen and stayed in there for a half hour. Then the Dane got in and stayed in the pigpen for one hour. Then Bellman went in and after 10 minutes the pigs came out.

[Guest]

John was stuck in the traffic jam when some guy came to his car adn told him:"Some maniac is helding G. Bush hostage and he said that if he dosent get 10mill dollars hell pure gas over Bush and then set him on fire, so im walking from car to car to see if anyone have anything to donnate...""Ok"said John "I think I'll be able to find something, but just for the record tell me how much do people usualy donnate?" "About 3or 4 liters" said the man...

[Guest]

Dr. John had sex with one of his pacients, but after that he had nightmeres and he felt realy bad and he just couldn't forgive himself,
but from time to time a small voice in his head tried to calm him down: "You're not the only doctor who ever had sex with his pacient and you're surley not the last who done it too..." But there was always another voice wich immidietly brought him back to realety saying: "But John you're a veterinarian!"

[Guest]

John came to a tv store and asked: "Do you sell color tvs?" "Sure we do!" reaplied the seller. "Ok I'll take a red one." John said...

[Guest]

3 men survived a shipwreck in a small rescue-boat. But becouse the ship senk in the middle of the ocean they've been in the boat for the months. And then suddenly some day they cought a goldfish and becouse there were 3 of them each got 1 wish. 1st one said: "I wish to be somewhere in america right now with a huge oil company that would make me wery rich!" and there was a loud "puff" and he was in Texas with loads of money and an oil company. Then the 2nd one wished: "I wish to be right now on some tropical island with loads of beautiful babes who would obey my every command!" and there was a loud "puff" and he was on his isle with all what he wanted. Then it was the 3rd's turn and he said: "You know dear goldfish now that those two are gone I'm bored, so I wish that you bring them back!" and there was a loud "puff" and they were all back in the boat...

[Guest]

A raver cought a gold fish and she told him that he had 3 wishes. And he said: "For the first wish I'd like that you move all the people from Asia to Africa." The fish thought it was a strange wish but she did't question it and just granted the wish. "For the second wish I'd like you to move all the people from America to Africa." now the fish was confused but she granted the wish without questions again anyway. "And for the third wish I'd like you to move all the people from Africa to Antarctica." Th e fish granted the wish but now she just couldnt resist and she asked him: "Why the fuck you wished for that?!" and he replied: "Who cares as long as it moves!!!"

[Cheetah]

A raver cought a gold fish and she told him that he had 3 wishes. And he said: "For the first wish I'd like that you move all the people from Asia to Africa." The fish thought it was a strange wish but she did't question it and just granted the wish. "For the second wish I'd like you to move all the people from America to Africa." now the fish was confused but she granted the wish without questions again anyway. "And for the third wish I'd like you to move all the people from Africa to Antarctica." Th e fish granted the wish but now she just couldnt resist and she asked him: "Why the fuck you wished for that?!" and he replied: "Who cares as long as it moves!!!"

Dare I say.... I don't get it