Liar!
In my life I’ve had the pleasure to know two chronic liars. It’s hard, because you want to believe them, but you know you just can’t. Aside from the chronic liars I just can’t stand those that tell those blatant pointless lies. I hate it when you just know that the person is lying to you or you discover it later. In my head I always think… why? Why did you feel that you needed to lie to me just now. It’s crazy! I just don’t understand it. In my childhood I was brought up to tell the truth. That’s what you do. I’m not saying that I’m perfect, please don’t think that I am. I’ve told a lie or two in my life, and when I do I feel sick and nauseous. It’s not good. I’ve seen through others that when trust is broken down it can take a long time to build back up… if you’re that lucky.
Sometimes I’m to trusting of people though. I want to believe that they’re telling me the truth and I give them the benefit of the doubt. I guess there are still lessons I need to learn about trust.
Play Asia
March 16th, 2012 at 12:05 am
I’ve found when people lie its because:
– They want something
– They desire attention
– They did something bad
– They’re trying to look better than they actually are
– They’re trying not to hurt someone’s feelings
– They have ulterior motives
March 16th, 2012 at 5:40 am
– They’re politicians
March 16th, 2012 at 1:59 am
I’m a lot like that too.
I recently lost a job because a customer managed to convince me that something expensive was on sale that actually wasn’t.
March 16th, 2012 at 7:38 am
Sounds like you were burned by someone recently. *pats* shame really. Hopefully you don’t feel too hurt from whomever it was.
March 18th, 2012 at 10:03 pm
No, I haven’t been hurt recently due to a lie, but I do see people in my area and life that tell pointless lies. I just wonder why and to what end. It makes no sense to me.
March 16th, 2012 at 10:38 am
*I apologize for the long response. I’ve been trying to keep them shorter, but couldn’t think of a way to distill this one into a finer reduction.*
Actually (and I am very wary to admit this), when I was much younger, I pretty much lived a lie for a couple of years. I wasn’t doing it to hurt anyone or to get some tangible goods from them. I just wanted people to not judge me negatively. It got so bad that maintaining the lie consumed almost all of my time and negatively impacted my health. I woke up one day with a recognition of just how magnificently stupid it all was (wasn’t in any way worth the tradeoff). Decided that day that I had to rectify the whole situation. Took me months (in some cases years) to clear up all of the layers of lies that I had put down with all of my family/friends, and the disclosure ruined several relationships that I considered important.
Since that day, I have taken an almost brutal attitude towards telling the truth. I stopped caring about what others thought of me, and just started being honest with them. Now, I’ll not tell someone the truth if it will be merely hurtful to them or if it isn’t their business (I just won’t say anything at that point), but if I think it will do them or someone else some good, they’re gonna hear it. Oddly, this tack has damaged some of the relationships that survived the initial deception. Guess some people don’t want the truth.
My point in sharing this is not to garner sympathy (I don’t deserve any), but to point out that people who lie are not always trying to screw others over. I can’t speak for chronic/pathological liars, but even normal humans are flawed and, in many ways, pathetic creatures. The person who is lying may not know or understand their own motives for doing so. There might be self-esteem or psychological issues that need to be addressed, either through intervention (professional or otherwise) or through honest self-reflection. I was fortunate to have had the wherewithal to need just a little of the latter.
As far as being too trusting of others. I think the best approach is to assume honesty, but not expect it. That way, one can give new acquaintances the benefit of the doubt, and not put one’s self in a position of being abused. Trust can be built as a history of honest behavior is displayed. Now, if trust is broke after that point, then c’est la vie. However, don’t let that have too much influence over your trust in others–one bad apple doesn’t ruin the barrel.
I’m with Kitty. The tone in this post reminds me of the tone that I got from loved ones when I revealed my deception. I hope that it wasn’t too hurtful to you or your loved-ones.
March 18th, 2012 at 10:01 pm
Oh my! That’s quite a story and I’m glad you’ve been able to set things right in your life again. I wonder how many out there are living a life the way you just explained right now? Where you able to cover up all your lies or where there cracks in your stories which made people doubt you told them?
March 22nd, 2012 at 12:56 pm
I highly doubt that there are very many people (proportionally) who live like this. It is very difficult to keep up this level of deception. Probably the majority of those who do are covering for some addiction or other. That wasn’t my problem, I was just heavily lacking in self-esteem and motivation.
I ran into this quote the other day, and it pretty much sums up my thoughts on your second question: “…in every case of trickery or deception some imperfection is to be found….” There are always cracks/flaws in a lie. Most obviously, unless the liar is somehow confused or ignorant, there is the truth somewhere out there to be discovered. I found that the keys to maintaining the lie were to make sure to be consistent in the lie (and all of the little patchwork lies that are inevitable), to lie to everyone (friends, family, employers, etc… all get the same story), and to lie only when absolutely necessary (to minimize the likelihood of it all being seen through). After that, it was important that my actions were consistent with my story. So, I had to do things or be places for which I could construct a plausible reason, and to not be at places when it was likely that someone I knew was there (unless that was the plan). This made it more difficult for others to uncover the lie, but it could never have been flawless. Occasionally something would happen and someone would become suspicious, but I was usually careful/consistent enough to pass it off as a one-off lie (say, I skipped work/class/whatever today) and maintain the overall lie.
As I said, it was all phenomenally stupid, and became both psychologically and physically overwhelming. Oddly, while I very much regret hurting my friends and family, I don’t regret my actions. I think I am actually a much better person for having gone through this and the aftermath. Plus, it is highly, highly unlikely that I would have met my wife, if I hadn’t done it. But none of this makes it any less idiotic or wrong, and it definitely is not an advisable lifestyle.